On Death in Mexico

What is culture exactly? Is it language, tradition, the holidays we celebrate or the God we worship? We talk about cultural differences but I tended to minimize them or at least I did before coming to Mexico. I am finding that culture is more than practice or habit. It is deeper. I recently got a good look at how we are different when I was invited to a funeral. There is a saying that you can learn a lot about a people by the way they deal with death.

One of my coworkers lost his father a few weeks ago. The funeral was the next day. I am still not exactly sure why I was invited but I joined my coworkers in leaving the office for the cemetery. The first observation was how this overruled everything else. There were no discussions, no plans. A coworker lost his father, all meetings were off and we were going. We are doing the most important project in the company but no one needed to ask. Family obviously comes before work. A member of the team lost a member of his family and that was obviously more important to all of us.

When we arrived at the viewing, we all stood around the room forming a kind of circle looking at the family. There we stood offering silent support while the family grieved. They sang religious songs, prayed, comforted his widow, cried and started again. For two hours, we stood silently while family and friends assuaged the most raw and painful emotions imaginable. No one spoke about him. This wasn’t about him; this was about comforting his wife and children. After a while a priest came offering a mass and communion. After his words of comfort about the coming kingdom, the coffin was carried out and we silently departed this mourning chamber for the burial.

After a somber procession, we all stood around the grave. No words were spoken. The coffin was carried over and lowered into the ground. Again there were no platitudes, no words on his life or his meaning. I expected this to be the end, with us filing away but no one moved. Then came a line of workers. With the family watching, they sealed him in the ground with concrete slabs. Before the last slab was placed, his daughters threw a little dirt or a rose in the cavity with sobs of “adios papa.” Then the buckets of mortar were brought to seal the slabs. Then another layer of slabs, more mortar. Lastly the gravediggers shoveled the dirt on the grave and huge piles and arrangements of flowers were placed. Telmex, his employer for many years, sent the two largest arrangements each was over 6 ft in diameter. A few led what can only be described as cheers for the deceased. Everyone then filed quietly away. Somber. So very final… He is gone. You saw the body, you felt the grief, you saw the coffin sealed in the ground. It is over.

I can’t help but thinking they have it closer to right.

Tipping, Begging, and Child Labor

There you are minding your own business. After wandering aimlessly for longer than you should, you have success. You have found the grocery store!! Suppressing your surpassing pride in this feat you begin to look for a parking place. A 5 to 7 year old boy whistles at you and waving a red cloth directs you to your spot... Whew, nice spot. Do I tip him? Dumb question you tip everyone in Mexico, how much? Wait a minute, why isn't this kid in school, where are his parents? Is this really his job? How can that be legal? Is this how he survives? What kind of future can he have...

Driving home, as you stop at the red light (see prior post) you are met with a little girl, perhaps 3 or 4 being hoisted up on to her father's shoulders. The first and most striking thing is the little girl has two balloons stuffed into her sweatpants. This gives her grossly distorted "hips" about 3 times bigger than she is. The father then shakes back and forth. The balloons amplify the motion so the hips oscillate left and right like a Jello cube on a wooden roller coaster. Her little hands move up and down drawing your attention to her clown painted face. You emotions are bounced like the balloons, funny, creepy... sad. Should you laugh, cry... For me it was just deeply disturbing. After a 10 second gyration fest, they pop down and walk past the cars, hand out, looking for tips. Then you notice the rest of the "family". An older sister has another younger sibling doing the same act for the cars going in the opposite direction. Mom is selling roses. Another older sister is selling candy, no longer cute enough to pull off the balloon act.

The next intersection has a juggler, the next a man breathing fire. Nearly every intersection has someone selling flowers, candy, or mercy. Elderly women, a man with no legs, a skinny child with no act... It is sometimes nearly overpowering.

Yet I already find myself growing used to it. Callous to so much so often, just another feature set against beautiful parks, expensive restaurants, and fancy cars.

When you give are you encouraging the parents to keep them out of school? Are they really the parents or the handlers? And what of the ones with no one looking out for them at all.

But here is a big difference from the US. I have never been approached by an able bodied person for a handout, without some "service" being performed. It could be direction to an empty parking space, a concert from an obnoxious grind organ, or a circus act. But the only ones who truly beg are the very young, the very old, or the amputee. Who can tell if it is Latin pride or if in the face of so many truly needy, only those with the strongest first impression can scratch together enough of a handout to make the time pay. What I can see is the terrible cycle in place. Children are kept out of school to provide for themselves or their family. They cannot acquire the knowledge or skills to make them anything other than dependant. Leading them to a life of what exactly...

By giving, are you aiding or enabling. Difficult questions in a difficult land.

Traffic Laws

As you may know traffic laws are more loosely interpreted down here in ole Ciudad... My guidelines for traffic have been the following...
1) A stop sign means be careful.
2) A red light means slow down.
3) A green light means slow way down and be careful (see rule 2)
4) Momentum = Mass x velocity. Right of way is granted to who ever has the most momentum entering the intersection.
5) If you make eye contact with the other driver, you have yielded the right of way.
6) The majority of streets are one way, but most signs are seldomly found and randomly placed. To determine the direction take note of the way the cars are parked. But one way is just a suggestion, if you REALLY need to go down that street, simply put on your hazard lights and proceed carefully down the street.
7) The police are ineffective, so to control speeding they use speed bumps (topes) and the road painted to look like speed bumps (fauxpes). If you assume fauxpes and get topes, say bye bye suspension. Sometimes, they put an unmarked tope 30 ft in front of a marked fauxpe... so you start to slow down and hear BANG BANG as you leave the air in your tires and a significant portion of your undercarriage behind. There are sometimes locals sitting at these, drinking cerveza and laughing their heads off.

All of that changed this week.


http://www.canada.com/topics/news/world/story.html?id=d5a33875-0540-42b8-8e68-148ac77fa647&k=73725


Ciudad is going to start expecting people to obey the law and encourage police officers not to take bribes.

I know this may come as a shock to many of you that this is news down here. It is on all the radios, people talk about in normal conversation.... What would it be like here if people obeyed the law and police didn't take bribes...?

Well on the first day, everyone was still doing 80 kph on Reforma, in the bus lane... it was a beautiful dream.

My favorite part was driving on the first day the laws were supposed to take effect. Everyday, I turn left at the Angel of Independence. Everyday, the police hold a clinic on why laws don't really matter by waving drivers through the red light to clear Reforma. For some reason it is too hard to change the timing on the lights and easier to pay 6 people to wave traffic through the red... Like every other day, there they stood waving people through. This, to me, typifies the traffic picture in Ciudad. A systematic shared agreement to do the expedient in place of the lawful.

For those who know me, you know I am prone to bending the traffic rules. But traffic here has shown me what can happen if the law isn't enforced. The good and the bad. It is chaos but it develops its own order. People will cooperate at times to enforce their interests, but other times the two year old narcissist comes out and blocks 6 lanes of traffic to be 6 ft closer to the destination. It works 95% of the time and 5% of the time it is an unmitigated disaster.

It may just be what I am used to... but thank a cop the next time you earn a ticket. Sure you hate the ticket but you made the choice to break the law and you know it. Take it from me, you are glad, even if you don't know it, that officer is there to enforce those rules and you are glad he is giving you a ticket instead of asking for a $50 bribe.

Introduction - The story of a Texas family spending a few years in Mexico

The Blog will be a record for family and friends of the Ingram family's adventures in Mexico.